Uni life can feel like a never-ending cycle of assignments, exams, and stressing about the future - but every so often, it’s worth zooming out and seeing the bigger picture. The longest-running study of happiness, the dying, and decades of regret research all point to the same conclusion: your relationships, not your resume, will decide whether you come to the end of your life and think 'Nailed it!' or not. In other words, whether you think you lived your life well and gave it your best shot.

The Harvard Study: 85 Years of Proof We Hate to Admit

The Harvard Study of Adult Development has followed people since 1938, trying to answer the question: What makes life go well? After tracking more than 700 men, their wives, and children across eight decades, the verdict is that the quality of your relationships predicts your happiness, health, and even how long you live (Waldinger & Schulz, 2023).

In contrast, loneliness and social disconnection emerge as some of the strongest predictors of early decline. It’s a simple truth, but not always an easy one to live by: The people we choose to invest in shape the quality of our lives more than our job titles or bank accounts.

The Top Regrets of the Dying

When people come to the end of their lives, they often need constant, round-the-clock care. When Bronnie Ware needed a radical mid-life reset from her banking career, she left her home in Bryon Bay, flew to the UK and, thanks to life's interesting twists and turns, ended up supporting dying patients by providing terminal care. After countless conversations, she noticed that most of the dying spoke about one of five common regrets they wished they had addressed in life (Ware, 2012). Two of them are:

“I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.” and “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard but spent more time with the people who mattered.”

At the end, what mattered most was time with loved ones - and too many people realised too late that they had sacrificed it in pursuit of professional success. Regrets are less about what we did and more about what we didn’t do - the conversations we avoided, the relationships we neglected, the moments with others that slipped away.

Relationship Regrets: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Beyond end-of-life reflections, psychologists have studied regrets across different life domains. Roese and Summerville (2005) found that romantic relationships consistently rank among the most common sources of lasting regret.

Research shows three recurring themes:

1) Regrets of neglect: People often wish they had reached out to old friends, spent more time with family, or expressed their feelings more openly. Silence and distance tend to leave deeper scars than mistakes we actively made (Finkenauer & Rimé, 1998).

2) Regrets of endurance: Many who stayed in unhappy or toxic relationships for too long later regret not leaving earlier (Joel, MacDonald, & Plaks, 2018). Fear of being alone, social pressure, or the sense of having “invested too much” often keeps people stuck.

3) Regrets of choice: Some people report regretting choosing the wrong partner altogether, often realising years later that they ignored incompatibilities or pursued relationships for reasons other than genuine love and connection (Morrison & Roese, 2011).

These studies all converge on the same lesson: When it comes to the stories we tell ourselves about our lives, relationships dominate the plot.

The Cost of Disconnection

Neglecting relationships doesn’t just feel bad in retrospect but has measurable effects on our health. Chronic loneliness is now recognised as a major health risk. A large meta-analysis by Holt-Lunstad and colleagues (2015) found that loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of early mortality as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Moral of the Story? Protect Your Poeple Time.

Treat time with loved ones as non-negotiable. Block it in your calendar with the same seriousness you would a client meeting.

• Have the hard conversations. Regrets often come from words left unsaid.
• Practise active constructive responding, i.e. really engaging when someone shares good news, instead of brushing it off. Pay attention to micro-moments - those small, shared moments of laughter, empathy, or joy that build lasting wellbeing.
• Notice the quiet exits. If you’re staying in a relationship out of fear rather than love, research suggests that leaving earlier can reduce long-term regret (Joel et al., 2018).

So, call that friend. Sit at the dinner table without your phone. Be brave enough to say what you mean. If you’re in a relationship that diminishes you more than it enriches you - know that leaving can be an act of self-respect, not failure. And, if you're reading this on time, perhaps join our workshop on Navigating Relationships. I have a feeling you won't regret it.