Do you find yourself getting wound up by other people's behaviour? 

The Let Them Theory popularised by Mel Robbins is about letting go of the need to control others and focusing instead on what we can control—our reactions, boundaries, and choices.

• Let them cancel plans.
• Let them choose not to support you.
• Let them act in ways that don't align with your values.
• And then, instead of wasting energy trying to change them, decide how you want to respond.

By shifting our perspective in this way, we free ourselves from unnecessary frustration and create space for healthier relationships, personal growth, and a deeper sense of peace.

Why letting go can feel so hard

It's human nature to want people to behave in ways that feel good to us. We want friends who always include us, partners who never disappoint us, and bosses who recognise our hard work. But the reality is, we can't control what others do—we can only control how we respond.

When we hold on tightly to expectations of how people should behave, we set ourselves up for frustration and disappointment. When we “let them,” we free ourselves from the mental exhaustion of trying to change something that was never ours to control in the first place.

Letting go doesn't mean we don't care—it means we stop trying to control the uncontrollable.

How to put the “Let Them Theory” into practice

This all sounds great in theory, but how do we actually do it in real life?

Here are 5 practical ways to apply the Let Them Theory:

1. Notice when you're trying to control someone else's behaviour.

Pay attention to when you're feeling frustrated, disappointed, or resentful. Ask yourself, am I trying to make someone act differently? If the answer is yes, take a step back.

2. Shift your focus to yourself.

Instead of asking, why are they like this? Ask, how do I want to respond? Redirecting your energy to what you can control brings peace and empowerment.

3 Accept people as they are—not as you wish they'd be.

Some people will never be the friend, partner, or colleague you wish they were. That doesn't mean they're a bad person or not worth having a connection with —it just means they're not meeting your expectations. And that's okay.

4 Stop justifying, over-explaining, or convincing.

If you find yourself constantly trying to get someone to see your side, consider pausing. Not everyone will understand or agree with you, and you don't have to make them.

5 Let their actions guide your choices.

If someone repeatedly lets you down, let them. And then decide—do you still want them in your life? Boundaries aren't about forcing people to change; they're about deciding what you will and won't tolerate.