Friendship break ups hurt. They are even more painful when they end without a specific reason. Friendship breakups at college are even more challenging because you are likely to see them regularly.

Talk about the 'small stuff'

According to friendship expert Dr Marisa G Franco “in friendship, we don't make the unsaid, said.” Small issues can grow into big issues and if we don't talk about them directly then friends might end the relationship without actually addressing the problem. Friendships might be saved if we can intervene sooner. 

But, the problem is that, a lot of people don't want to address the small stuff, because they don't like conflict; but conflict can deepen intimacy when we handle it empathetically. Interestingly, women don't hesitate to call out their boyfriends or husbands when they are upsetting them, but they don't do the same for their friends.

If your friends are important to you, dial up your bravery and talk about things that are bothering you straight away.

Practise forgiveness

Sometimes a friend might really hurt you. Regardless of whether you accept them back into your life, practising forgiveness will serve your wellbeing more favourably in the long term. Holding onto anger and resentment and telling everyone how that person 'wronged you' will only keep you stuck and stop you from moving forward. 'Let go' of negative feelings and try and see things from their point of view. Get curious rather than judgmental. When a friend hurts you, it often isn't about you. It's about what is going on in their life and their pain from the past. Studies have found that greater forgiveness is connected with improved mental health and less stress.

Not all friendship break ups are bad

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise when a friendship ends. Ask yourself:

·      In what ways did I benefit from this friendship?

·      In what ways did the friendship have a negative impact on me?

A friendship might suddenly end due to some of these reasons

• Your friend did or said something that upset you or wasn't aligned with your values
• Your expectations are too high and your friend can't meet them
• You grow apart due to different interests
• You gave more than you received
• You moved to a different city

How to tell when a friendship is over

Here are some signs that you may notice when a friendship is over…

• You start talking with each other less.
• You have doubts that your friend cares about you.
• You don't have as much fun together.
• You don't act like yourself around them anymore.
• You have a gut feeling there's a shift in the friendship.

Tips to help you cope with a friendship break up

Focus on what you can control — which means concentrating on your own actions and responses, rather than what they're doing and saying. There's no point dwelling on the loss or trying to change the past; what's done is done, so you need to focus on you. Doing this helps shift your focus from what's been lost to what can be gained through personal growth and future opportunities.

Reconnect with old friends — consider reaching out to friends you may have lost touch with; rekindling these connections can provide comfort and remind you of the joy that friendships bring. Always remember that relationships can endure and flourish, even after a period of distance. Try sending a simple message to check in and say 'hi,' or suggesting a catch-up.

Seek support — lean on other friends, family members, or a mental health professional for support. Sharing your feelings with someone can lighten the emotional load and provide perspective, and it helps to remind you that you're not alone and that support is available. Try reaching out to loved ones or seek counselling.

Give yourself space — it might be helpful to take a break from mutual friends or social media in order to avoid painful reminders, gossip, or emotional triggers (like other people getting involved and taking sides); take the time you need to process things, and give yourself whatever space you need to protect your emotional well-being. Even if there's drama going on, you don't need to hear about it and you certainly don't need to get involved in it.

Seek new social outlets — join clubs, groups, or online communities that align with your interests, all of which can serve to introduce you to potential new friends who share common interests… which can be revitalising and boost your mood. Try researching local groups and attending events, or using social media and websites dedicated to connecting people with shared hobbies.

Final thoughts

Like all relationships, friendships have different stages and phases and things can change. When we learn to accept those changes we can create room for new friends. It's OK that your friendship might not be what it used to be. In time, you might find that this new change was for the better even if it's not what you expected.